Lead, I Follow
by Nerva al'Thor
Summary: -Oneshot- In his own way, General Yu Kanda knew how to mourn, if only a little differently from a ‘normal’ human being.


**Lead, I Follow**

_For May_

_For Ross's pilot._

_For Leone's pilot._

_---_

When Ross was finally done with all the prep training, done with answering all the questionnaires, done with all the syncing and jumping, they finally assigned him to a team. He had hoped he would be assigned to General Lavi like his friend Louie – he'd heard that with General Lavi there was no boring day of journey; there were no lack of laughter; and that the Bookman-General was generous with salary and would give some bonuses if the funding the team had had more than enough to cover the journey's need. He'd also heard that General Lavi's team was full of well-educated youths, each one taught by the Bookman himself. Ross liked his books, and hoped that maybe if he became part of this team he would gradually learn how to tackle thicker volumes – something of a personal hurdle he had been struggling to overcome since he was eight years old.

General Allen Walker's team wouldn't be so bad either. They were a merry bunch of youths and Finders, and what they lacked for money they made up for good cheer and sheer determination (there were rumors that General Walker was still paying for General Marian's debts, so there were no bonuses). What Team Walker could boast for was that they never went hungry. Whatever Allen Walker ate, his team ate, and how much Allen Walker ate, his team had to eat as well. Some of them were starting to be on the chubby side, so Ross heard, and that General Walker was thinking of enrolling everyone in a diet program if they had some months' stop in France, at HQ.

So when that day came that Ross was standing in line with the other new Exorcists, when Supervisor Komui finally came to a stop in front of him with a tattered leather clipboard, Ross silently prayed that he would be under either General Lavi or General Allen Walker. He wanted to be like Captain Aia, who enjoyed juggling his exorcist duties, hair care and learning under General Lavi. He also wanted to be like Trinity-nee, who was forever determined and cheerful under General Walker's handling.

"So, Ross Ezart…this is a request I rarely handle, since _this_ general rarely takes anyone with him – he likes to work alone, and I daresay he works best alone. Or as alone as he could be."

Ross felt the pit of his stomach disappear.

"Ross Ezart…Team Kanda. Your general isn't around, so you'll have to go to him. He was last seen in Oslo, Norway. You're to leave as soon as you can, see, Kanda doesn't stay in one place for too long."

When the team assignment was done, Ross's batchmates offered him consoling words and pats on the shoulder, but nothing of these it seemed, worked to chase away the awful sinking in what had been the place where his guts were.

---

**Learn To Look Not Only With Your Eyes, But Also With Your Mind.**

Even with the Ark technology at Ross's aid, once he got to Oslo the trail left by his general had been cold for a week. He'd tried asking the team of Finders stationed in Oslo but they were unable to provide him with a proper heading; General Yu Kanda was not the type of man to let others know his whereabouts. His team only followed obediently where he led them, and he wasn't one to report regularly to HQ regarding his whereabouts.

Faced with no option, Ross had to waste four days in Oslo as winter approached. He waited in the hopes that the general might call, remembering that he asked HQ for an additional member to his team, or maybe not even that, just remembered to check on the team of Finders in Oslo.

But no golem signaled an incoming call, and the telephone remained silent.

Then an idea occurred to Ross just as his fourth day ended. He asked a Finder for a map that the general might have used, and as it was, the map was handed over, and indeed, there on the paper were scribbles that Yu Kanda left. He was fond of red ink; he marked cities with a small red dot and scribbled something in Kanji beside the dot. Somehow Ross suddenly wished he'd enrolled in that Japanese crash course they offered to trainees back then, but it was no use crying over spilled milk. He peered at the red dot marking Auvergne, and from there followed the dot to Vienna, Austria. Though General Kanda scribbled some Kanji he also jotted down dates here and there, but still, all those weren't enough to point Ross as to where he should go next. Not one of the Finders in Oslo knew how to read Kanji.

Relying on guess work, Ross pored all night over the map with Kanda's red scribbles, asking the Finders for whatever scrap of information the general might have dropped; hints of places, plans, complaints, whatever. They debated over the map, a huddle of black, white and red, until at last a Finder remembered Kanda mentioning the church in Prague.

And sure enough, another week later, Ross found his general sitting on a bench in a random street in Prague, poring over what looked like a sketch pad. He remembered all the rumors he had ever heard – how Yu Kanda was both the devil and your worst nightmare; how Yu Kanda would yell at a hapless trainee for the littlest mistake; how Yu Kanda sang very well if he was in a good enough mood (which wasn't saying much); how Yu Kanda was easily the best swordsman the Order ever had; how Yu Kanda had been ferocious and still was, but now that he was twenty-nine he was a little more mellow, the words 'a little more mellow' weren't really applicable…

So Ross approached, and unsure of himself, stood for a long while at an arm's length away from his general, fumbling and fidgeting and hesitating, until Yu Kanda looked up from his sketchpad – which wasn't a sketchpad at all, but a music book; so Yu Kanda looked up from jotting down a note and fixed him with a disconcerting gaze.

_Ross Ezart_, said Ross, introducing himself, extending a hand.

_Took you long enough_, Kanda replied, and without taking the extended hand, packed up his music book and his pen and rose, his loose blue-black hair reaching past his waist. That was all and the General walked without even a backward glance, and Ross finally dropped his arm and followed.

---

**Watch Out For Your Teammates. Just Do It. You Don't Need To Say So.**

They had one Finder, a horizontally-challenged and mustached Portuguese man named Pedro. Now that Ross finally joined them, that made it four Exorcists in the team, General Kanda included. Indira was a pretty doe-eyed girl from India, a Parasitic-type. The other was Leone Marcus, a vivacious Mexican teenager who got distracted by anything shiny – he was an Equipment type. They were a quiet team, a far shot from the cheer of General Lavi's bunch or General Allen Walker's, and Ross supposed it was because their general didn't like noise and detested any random conversation.

Yet they worked with silent precision in a mission; when they were dispatched to Benesov; everyone knew what they were supposed to be doing and never strayed far from the range of their golems. Every five minutes Pedro did a status check, and though during the first hour it unnerved Ross, he slowly got used to it, his coordinates coming to his lips automatically once Pedro spoke through the wireless.

The rules of battle were simple.

Destroy any Akuma.

Do not battle a Noah on your own.

Do not battle a Level 4 on your own.

If the general speaks and calls for a retreat, drop everything and retreat. No buts.

If a teammate dies, he or she is dead, there isn't anything you can do for him or her, so stop wasting time by moping.

If the general becomes a burden, you are to leave him behind and carry on to join the nearest team within reach.

There was hardly any time for talking during a sortie except to regularly feedback Pedro one's coordinates. You also weren't sure when a teammate would pop up; but always, always, whenever Ross was in a tight spot, a teammate would come jumping from the roof or popping out of the nearest manhole or rolling from the nearest alley. Sometimes even the general would come, and though there were injuries they all tended to one another if Pedro had his hands full.

Ross easily got used to the routine of the little team; it was so easy that by the time he realized he was comfortable with the silence and the rhythm of Pedro's voice through the wireless, the team had been moving on toward Pilsen, and that he had been in the team for two months now.

---

**The Team Always Eats (And Hungers) Together.**

If they got to an inn with a real bed and real food, they were exceedingly lucky. Most of the time they slept under the stars, pitching the tough tent that Pedro had with him, and they would all huddle together inside, especially if they got caught by bad weather out in the open. While Pedro took care of all basic supplies it was General Yu Kanda who cooked for the team. Ross noted that the general was extremely selfish with the task; he liked to peel the potatoes or clean the beans by himself. He cooked with his silent precision, measuring ingredients and stirring the soup at just the right number. The only time the general would ask help was when it came to taste testing, a job that Ross found himself assigned to, being the newest addition to their little family.

He could find no complaints against the soup or the rice or the bread, and all of them ate quickly, not exceeding a second more than five minutes, even if they weren't rushing to go somewhere. He particularly liked the boiled potatoes and the sukiyaki. Indira liked the curry and the little lumps of sushi, whereas Leone simply went gluttonous over the tacos and yakisoba.

But it was during the lucky days that General Kanda could afford to cook a meal; most of the time all of them had to subsist on bread and cookies and canned things; luck was tough if one of them got their pack destroyed in a sortie. There were days that they had nothing to eat, only water and a bit of salt, or some fruit from a random roadside. There were many hungry days, but somehow the pain in the stomach eased because they knew they didn't suffer alone; that the person walking next to them was also nursing an empty stomach.

---

**If There Is No Money, Then We Make The Money.**

_Can you sing?_

They were in Budapest, and it was the eve of Christmas, and their money had vanished a week ago. Transactions in banks were forever delayed because of late shoppers, and General Kanda did not have the patience to have Pedro brave the lines. So when the question popped up only Ross could not answer; Indira had said she could help with lead vocals, and Leone could play his harmonica. Pedro mentioned a tambourine he always carried, and General Kanda looked at him, the silent inquiry readable from the way his eyebrow was arched.

_A bit. I think,_ said Ross, and the General nodded.

He took out a beautifully aged Stradivarius violin from his tattered suitcase, and soon the team found themselves standing by one of Budapest's streets, comfortably warm in their coats, Indira, Leone and Ross singing Christmas carols with the help of the violin, tambourine and harmonica. During the first hour Ross thought they were making fools of themselves, but after this little girl in red stopped to watch and listen, the huddle around their singing group grew. Indira sang more beautifully, and Leone put more effort to his harmonica. Pedro rang the tambourine with renewed energy and the general played deftly, and Ross sang to the best of his abilities, his cheeks flushed and his breath puffing up in white clouds in front of his face. And then the coins started coming, and soon there was some bit of paper in there too, there in the cookie jar Leone put on the street, and they sang and they played and the crowd clapped, and though it was already past Christmas at 3 am they still found an open tavern and they got hot turkey and delicious potatoes, and Ross dug into his food like he never ate anything of the sort before.

They wished each other Merry Christmas, and Leone apologized for having got no present for everyone, and Indira said sorry too, then Pedro next. But the general never apologized, and instead Ross said they gave each other a present after all in the form of that delicious turkey and potatoes, and the snow rained from the sky and they all watched it, and somehow Ross could imagine the Christmas in HQ with the giant trees and the sea of Jerry's awesome food.

But he was with his teammate, and they just had a spectacular dinner from their own laudable labor that evening, and inside Ross felt that it was a Merry Christmas indeed.

---

**Never Assume That The General Is Not Capable of Mourning.**

They lost Leone in a sortie in Munich.

It was the only time that Ross ever lost his calm, charging against the Level 4 alone, disregarding the rule that they had always followed despite Indira's despairing warning. He wielded his naginata, the anger he had for the Akuma throbbing in rhythm with his Innocence, and upping his sync rate, at least for the time being. Out of the corner of his periph came the familiar swarm of the general's Innocence, and more than a hundred Hell Insects rushed at the Akuma, combined with his own attacks. They chased the Akuma together, him and the general, with Ross leading the attack more, charging as he was, almost with reckless abandon.

From behind came the supporting attacks of General Kanda, and though Ross knew he breached a serious rule of the team, he frankly didn't give a damn right now. He remembered how Leone fell with every slash from his naginata; he remembered how the hateful Akuma laughed as it crushed his friend's head, he remembered, oh he wouldn't forget, he would never.

A curse from his general broke Ross from his suicidal trance just as a gigantic hammer slammed the Akuma from behind – General Lavi's team, stationed in Hamburg, had just arrived. Overcome by grief Ross felt his fingers slacken around his naginata's shaft, and he stopped the chase altogether as he watched the two generals duke it out on who would get to defeat the Akuma.

He would only start thinking again much later, when both teams joined by the plaza, where four Finders moved about distributing pain killers and fresh wound dressings. General Kanda sat down beside him, and for a while they were silent. Ross watched as his general took out a tattered notebook and jotted down Leone's name on a page full of other names. The paper was yellowing and blotched with a light stain.

_What's that list for_, Ross heard himself ask.

_So I don't forget those who have died in my service_, the general replied, and though there should have been just the faintest trace of emotion, nothing showed in his clear gray eyes. _So I still get reminded that I had once met and worked with these people. I tend to forget._

Tend to forget…

As Ross watched his general walk away in silent distaste for General Lavi's incessant chattering, he remembered one rumor he had heard an entire year ago before he left for this team. That the General Yu Kanda wasn't human, which was why he didn't age like all the others and healed like fuck's business despite any kind of injury or type of Akuma virus, why he couldn't laugh despite General Walker's jokes and antics, why he didn't feel the warmth of a lady's hand even though she held him like it was going to be the death of her.

Ross kept his eyes on that lone figure that now stood away from their huddle, a silent silhouette against the dusk of the sky, his hair dancing, his eyes blank, and Ross knew that no, that rumor was a lie. The notebook was there, he saw the general write, he heard the reason for the list, and knew that in his own way, General Yu Kanda knew how to mourn, if only a little differently from a 'normal' human being.

*

Their batch originally had eighty fresh Exorcists, now that they met again there were less than forty in that small get together, standing in a huddle surrounded by Jerry's excellent cooking and all the giant Christmas trees and party lights. Many of them looked unrecognizable, worn and torn by all of their journeys and all of their fights, yet their eyes were familiar, especially if they smiled and laughed and hugged each other.

Ross only listened as the others narrated their experiences and compared their generals and compared their bonuses and showed off the little nothings they've managed to buy for themselves. He watched and smiled and admired and praised, and when it was his turn to tell about his team, all that he could tell them were the cold evenings in the tents and the fact that he had to subsist on salt and water for a week. They looked at him oddly, his friends, and they suddenly noted the lack of his trinket or his fat wallet; what money he had was enough for the expenses for a new uniform, an Innocence repair and check-up and a new pair of boots.

_It must be horrid, why don't you request for transfer?_

_Our team can use you and your Innocence's defense abilities._

_Move over to our team, you'll be more looked after with us!_

But for all of their offers Ross only smiled, and he remembered the joy of finally having food to eat and having a real bed to sleep on; he remembered the silent calm in him as they all walked toward the sunset toward whatever city it was; he remembered Pedro's anecdotes and Indira's horror stories. He remembered Leone's strange guffawing laughter, and he remembered the little symphonies his general composed, those pieces that were always incomplete and nobody ever heard yet.

So Ross looked at his batch mates and he smiled, and it was a wide grin that made his face look comical. His surprised friends blinked at him, and he told them point-blank that no, his team was awesome, and only his death could possibly take him away from their little band of weary, dirty and hungry fighters.


End file.
